My Process Essay

I gave my students the assignment to write a process essay by taking something that they thought was monumentally boring and turning it into something more fun and exciting. I also challenged myself to do the same. They had a word limit of 1000-1200 words, and I have no limits so ... her is what i have so far. The final draft is due tomorrow, and in typical high schooler fashion I am procrastinating the project until the end.

Cheers,

Price

The Art of What to do when in a Coma

It is a commonly held myth that when you are in a coma there is little to do apart from lie there and be comatose. I would argue that this is absolutely untrue. The fact of the matter is, when you are in a coma—and many of will just have to take my word for this since you will probably never be in a coma—you can pretty much do just about anything that a fully functioning human can do. Now, I don’t mean that “in your head” you can do these things; no, I mean that even though you are in a state of essential mental and physical vegetation you are still capable of interacting with the people around you.

How is this possible? Are you having an out of body experience like Patrick Swayze in Ghost? When in a coma do you really get to see and talk with angels? Is it like having a near death experience? Do you actually get to see what goes on in the 90% of your brain that you don’t use for all the innate day-to-day interactions that one must endure? Do you get superpowers that enable you to move things with your mind and influence the decisions of others? I know that may of you are asking this same questions and I will get to those answers in a moment—yes to a few, no to a few more, and I wish to the last one; but for the time being, lets focus on exactly what may have landed you in this predicament and a few of the steps that any regular person can take to prepare for the possibility of being comatose at a later date.

You never know when a coma will sneak up on you--they are somewhat like a ninja in that regards, a really good ninja who comes up from behind and hits you with a ninja-silent kung-fu chop to the sciatic. Not only do you not see this ninja coma avenger coming at you because he attacks from behind, but his silent attack is so quick that more often than not you are not even aware that you have been coma chopped. This was the case for me. I was sitting there, minding my own business, enjoying a leisurely climb up the main peak of the Grand Teton, and the next thing I know I’m waking up in a hospital bed three months later. What happened in the mean time? How was I able to entertain myself, I tend to have a very short attention span, for such a long time? Why was it that I had no recollection of the events that had taken place in my hospital room? How had I gone to the restroom … oh, wait, I think I have that one figured out … yeah, that’s not really comfortable! These, and many others, were the immediate questions that I had running through my head as I slowly returned to the world of the lucid. Looking back, I know that the experience was one filled with adventure, humor, and mindless (pun intended) pranks. So, for the rest of you I submit the following guide for what to do when you too enter a coma. Consider this a list of tools at your disposal

Being in a coma really isn’t as boring as one might think, sure you will have little to no recollection of the time you spent “out of it” once you wake, but the benefits of the added sleep and time spent alone with your thoughts is invaluable. There are many false assumptions that have been made about the comatose in the past: that they are simply hollow shells of their former selves, that they are oblivious to what is going on around them, that they smell. Each of these assumptions is derived from a gross misunderstanding of the comatose and could not be farther from the truth. The comatose are filled with all sorts of things: guts and gore, bodily fluids—some less disgusting than others, muscles that is rapidly deteriorating; you see that whole hollow shell stuff is simply untrue. As for the rest of the rumors they too are simply untrue. Studies have shown that if you place a comatose persons hand in a bowl of hot water they are still very likely to wet themselves just like they did when you pulled the same prank in 7^th grade; as for the smell, they ge5t regular sponge baths—an awesome benefit unless your nurse is a 40-something CNA who once worked as a roadie for WWE Raw and had a nickname like Mandible or Bone Crusher. Other than the obvious drawback of not really being able to communicate with anyone life is pretty good for the comatose. Three square meals injected directly into your body via tubes shoved in, up , and down every orifice (not as uncomfortable as you would think, until you wake up that is), plenty of rest (24 hours a day of sleep that you will not even remember when you wake up), regular baths at the hands of Mandible and Bone Crusher … yeah … moving on.

This is not a discussion about the joys of being in a coma, alright maybe it is in a round-about way, what we really want to discuss is the steps one should take to entertain themselves and their loved ones when one is in a coma. This is a subject that is really quite simple to address since there are a few things about the comatose that prohibit them from really interacting the people around them directly. Firstly, if you are in a coma you really have no higher brain functions. Secondly, because of the brain thing, you are unable to speak with or, as the old AT&T slogan goes, “reach out and touch someone.” Lastly, because of the brain/communication thing, you are purely at the mercy of your loved ones … and Mandible Bone Crusher. Recognizing and understanding these challenges is the first step in moving towards comatose entertainment. I must interject here a simple caveat to this discussion. As mentioned earlier, once you are in a coma you will have little to no memory of what it was like to “out.” Much or the joy that you provide and the humor that you endure will come after the fact when you are looking through the coma scrapbook that your mom made for you during the experience. The book, much like the rest of your like will be filled with embarrassing pictures, quirky comments, and nostalgic journals written by your friends and family to remind you or the pain and suffering they had to endure because of your stupidity/carelessness. So, do not mistake this list is suggestions as a cure all for coma-boredom; you won’t remember being bored anyway. If anything, this is a guide for how you can help entertain your family and friends while you rest the peaceful rest of the dead without actually being … dead … so … again … moving on.

In order to effectively enjoy your coma, and provide others with a similar sense of enjoyment, you must take one simple precaution. You must place, in writing, a list of activities that must be engaged in during your brief sleeping spell. There are a few things that are a must for this list. Had I thought of this list earlier, my first coma would have been much more endurable, and I would have had some great memories. Here is a sample of items from my list. They will serve as the focus for the rest of this essay and will give you a good sense for the type of activities that you will want to make sure are on your own coma-list.

My Coma-List of Activites

1. Practice your best impersonation of a cadaver.

2. Spend a day reenacting the final kiss from Sleeping Beauty to see if it will help wake you up, and to see if you can find your own Prince Charming/ Aurora.

3. Have someone paint the top of your eyelids to look like your eyes are open and see how long it takes people to notice you are not actually awake.

4. Hire a psychic to be your personal voice for a day, communicating your every wish and desire to your family. If no real psychic can be found hire some bum off the street to fill the roll and pay him with a day of McDonald’s finest food.

Again, this is just a sampling of things that are on my coma-list. I have chosen the handful of activities that seem to be the most fun for everyone involved, and will spend a little time explaining each activity. But first, a word of advice: as you begin to prepare your own list you must make sure that you recognize a simple fact—there is no telling how long you will be in a coma. You could be out for as little as a few hours, or as long as it takes for you to wake up (years even if your insurance is that good). As you begin to brainstorm activities for your own personal coma-list you need to take into consideration these time restrictions. I usually will include a simple set of instructions for the person I have donned the mantle of List Guardian upon. This is the person you trust will most accurately, and with the most flare, carry out each activity. Also, it is important to recognize that the list should be lengthy yet filled with structure. If you are only out for a few days you definitely want to make sure that you fill each day with something for people to look forward to. On the other hand, you don’t want to overload the list with too much at the beginning and then loose steam by the end. You need to have a good mix of big and small activities in the list. Also, take into consideration that you are in a coma and this is going to be a bit of a shock for the rest of your family. They will need a bit of time to adjust and mourn your untimely coma-venture. I recommend giving people a minimum of two days, maximum four days, to feel sad about what has happened before I bring in my first activity. This is a simple precaution that is placed in with the rest of the instructions given to the List Guardian. Now that the mourning is over, let’s get on with the fun and games.

Holga Images

I have been meaning to post these pictures for a while. Last May I picked up a new pinhole camera called a Holga. It shoots on 120 film and is really fun to play with. I am still getting used to judging distance with it, and figuring out how the focus ranges are best judged, but here are a few images from my first excursion with the camera.


I took this one while riding the Colossus roller coaster at Lagoon. I was a chaperon for the senior sneak last year and spent the day riding rides and avoiding kids. It was great!















This was the entry way to a ride. I was playing with double exposures. One cool thing about the Camera is that you control the film progression so if you want you can take several pictures all on the same film plate. Kind of cool!












Another double exposure experiment. I liked the way this one came out and the ghost
















This is Alex, he was one of the seniors that went on the sneak. I thought it was interesting how I got a bit of a light flare just over his left eye.
















This is an image of Aiden and his Cousin playing in a puddle by my parents house. Aren't they so cute!















This is a great image of my mom sitting one her porch swing with three of her grand kids. I though it was very cute.















This is a picture of some dude that I saw at Animal Kingdom one of the Disney theme parks in Florida. He was exactly what I imagined a Buffalo Soldier would look like on his free day. I loved his intensity and am hoping to write a character similar to him into one of the books I am working on. I also like the fact that I feel like where's waldo in this image. Can you find me?











Here are a few images from the beach in Florida. Holgas will do interesting things wiht colors because of the type of film that they are shooting on, and because they are pin hole cameras. One of my favorite features is the natural gradient that it throws around the edges of the image. They are shadows from the camera's apature. My favorite is the shadow self portrait. I am enjoying taking pictures of myself in interesting ways. Reflected in sunglasses, shadowed, as a pair of feet, Photography is too much fun!

Here are links to two previous writing entries.

This is what I had to say about homecoming last year.

Here is the revised process essay I wrote for my first college comp class.

Two new posts in one day! WOW you are lucky!

I gave my 101 class the assignment to write a process driven essay and challenged myself to do the same. I wrote one during my first year at college, I even posted a revised version of it here as one of my first posts. Here is what I have so far, this is the opening three paragraphs. I'll try to post the rest of it was I complete it section by section along with the students.

Cheers,
Price

The Art of What to do when in a Coma

It is a commonly held myth that when you are in a coma there is little to do apart from lie there and be comatose. I would argue that this is absolutely untrue. The fact of the matter is, when you are in a coma—and many of will just have to take my word for this since you will probably never be in a coma—you can pretty much do just about anything that a fully functioning human can do. Now, I don’t mean that “in your head” you can do these things; no, I mean that even though you are in a state of essential mental and physical vegetation you are still capable of interacting with the people around you.
How is this possible? Are you having an out of body experience like Patrick Swayze in Ghost? When in a coma do you really get to see and talk with angels? Is it like having a near death experience? Do you actually get to see what goes on in the 90% of your brain that you don’t use for all the innate day-to-day interactions that one must endure? Do you get superpowers that enable you to move things with your mind and influence the decisions of others? I know that may of you are asking this same questions and I will get to those answers in a moment—yes to a few, no to a few more, and I wish to the last one; but for the time being, lets focus on exactly what may have landed you in this predicament and a few of the steps that any regular person can take to prepare for the possibility of being comatose at a later date.
You never know when a coma will sneak up on you--they are somewhat like a ninja in that regards, a really good ninja who comes up from behind and hits you with a ninja-silent kung-fu chop to the sciatic. Not only do you not see this ninja coma avenger coming at you because he attacks from behind, but his silent attack is so quick that more often than not you are not even aware that you have been coma chopped. This was the case for me. I was sitting there, minding my own business, enjoying a leisurely climb up the main peak of the Grand Teton, and the next thing I know I’m waking up in a hospital bed three months later. What happened in the mean time? How was I able to entertain myself, I tend to have a very short attention span, for such a long time? Why was it that I had no recollection of the events that had taken place in my hospital room? How had I gone to the restroom … oh, wait, I think I have that one figured out … yeah, that’s not really comfortable! These, and many others, were the immediate questions that I had running through my head as I slowly returned to the world of the lucid. Looking back, I know that the experience was one filled with adventure, humor, and mindless (pun intended) pranks. So, for the rest of you I submit the following guide for what to do when you too enter a coma. Consider this a list of tools at your disposal

Homecoming Revisited

The halls are plastered with red and black crepe paper, home-made posters geared towards motivating our teams to victory, calendars informing the student body about the many different activities taking place both on and off campus--a root beer chugging contest today at lunch, powder puff football tonight. The students race back and forth past my door cheering their class, harassing the underclassmen (freshmen get no respect), basically being typical high school students. In may ways this week is little different from any other week at AFHS, except that this week we focus on our fall sports teams as they strive to bring a sense of pride and prestige to the school.

I never really understood the ritual of homecoming. When I was in school I tried my hardest to avoid anything that required me to spend more time than was absolutely necessary at the school. I was the kid that sat at the top of the bleachers, hair hanging reclusively in front of my face to ward off any and all extraneous interactions. Arms held tightly at my side as I refused to participate in any activities, cheers, chants, or screaming matches. I took pride in my school, don't get me wrong. My senior year I and several of my friends decided that it would be a fun activity to streak across the football field during the halftime activities wearing little more than capes, ski masks, and speedos, and running shoes. Most of us made it to the other side, one good friend was hog tied in the middle of the football field because he was the slowest of the pack (always make sure you are faster than one other person and you should be ok). But homecoming always seemed a little funny to me. Sure it was fun to get out of school a little early, or to miss out on class time for pep-rallies and assemblies, but there was no real sense to the title.

Homecoming ... where had the teams gone that they needed to return? I saw the "star" quarterback in class everyday. He made a habit of demonstrating is amazing throwing ability by zinging little pieces of paper across the room at me. I had often wished that he would have gone somewhere, anywhere, else, but no, he was always right there, tormenting me from afar when the teachers backs was turned. I would have loved to throw something back in defense, a desk, a dictionary, at least sharpened pencil, but when you weigh little more than 120 pounds, and are roughly the size of a tall yard gnome, you very little recourse for rebuttal. So I took the punishments that were dolled out with the best sense of dignity that my tiny frame could muster. It wasn't much, but I did what I could. At the assemblies it wasn't that I refused to support the teams, not at all; it was that I refused to support certain players on the teams, hence I applied a carte blanche ban on all cheers and jeers.

Today I find myself in an interesting position. As a teachers at American Falls I want to see my kids engaged in their school. I hated high school and I think a part of me wants to make sure that the students whom I see myself reflected in the most are not having the same permanently scarring experience that I am. Is this possible? Is it plausible? Why do I care? The answer, I guess, to all of these questions is a resounding I don't know. Perhaps part of it is because I am a teacher and that is what I'm supposed to do--I inspire! (Ha Ha Ha, that sounds so canned!)Anyway, what ever my reasoning is, I'm sure that it all boils down to the fact that I am crazy. So, returning to the paper draped hallways of my present employment, I find myself reliving a very troubled youth. I run around like a mad man now because I refused to then. I swallow live goldfish so that I will be accepted and thought of as a "cool" teacher. Sure it is fun, and yeah I enjoy it now. I just wish that I had taken the time to enjoy it then as well. Perhaps my experiences would have been different and in retrospect I would look at high school with a more hopeful feeling.